Written by Bill Honer
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Topics: satire, CNN

Sunday, 8 September 2013

In a departure from its usual practice of reporting possible events that have not occurred or may never take place, CNN broadcast an event that actually happened. Don Corleone, General Manager of the station, apologized to its viewers.

"An investigation is under way to see what went wrong. Our viewers expect us to present possible situations with ten alternative scenarios. Two experts then take hours expressing their opinions on the subject from an American perspective. It is true that we did have an exception recently when an expert unkindly referred to our military reporter as "the Pentagon stenographer" due to her favorable reporting of all things military. Of course, that assertion is completely false. The reporter in question does not receive a dime from the Pentagon, although several Generals have been known to buy her burritos after an exceptionally favorable newscast."

Corleone continued. "After the experts have had their say, we follow up with Republican and Democratic partisans having spirited debates that are often irrational, but nonetheless highly entertaining. This is all very comforting to our viewers who do not experience the angst that could be caused by the presentation of hard news. That is why this error is so troubling. We will do everything we can to make sure this never happens again."
Bill Honer

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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