Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 August 2013

image for A Turkey Stampede In Cleveland Destroys a Trailer Park
Part of the 7,000 turkeys that stampeded onto The Happy Haven Estates Trailer Park.

CLEVELAND - Local authorities are still trying to figure out how 7,000 turkeys broke out of their turkey shelters and stampeded through a neighboring trailer park causing extensive damage.

Auburn Quiverwine, 68, manager of The Happy Haven Estates Trailer Park said that he and his wife Buffy, 67, were in their trailer house watching a rerun of The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, when all of a sudden they heard a noise that sounded like a Conrail freight train.

Auburn looked out the living room window and said that he saw what appeared to be millions of white feathers.

He tried to open the front door but he couldn't since it appeared to be jammed.

Just then his wife hollered out that it was a turkey stampede. The couple managed to jump into the bathtub and cover themselves up with a Cleveland Browns blanket.

The deafening noise lasted about eight minutes and thirty-five seconds according to Buffy, who is great at estimating times.

After it was over Auburn and Buffy managed to go outside. They could not believe what they saw. There were about 17 trailers that were flipped over on their sides.

Cleveland police quickly arrived as did dozens of EMS ambulances. Luckily no one was hurt except for a few scratches and turkey feather burns.

SIDENOTE: The local authorities plan to talk to Shimbatu Singola, 83, who owns The Lake Erie Turkey Breeding Farm and find out how in the world all of his turkeys managed to break out of their escape-proof turkey shelters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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