Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 5 October 2006

image for Bonesmen demand burials parity with wiccan, satanist, creationist veterans
Wiccan, satanist, creationist or Bonesman?

Washington DC - (Associated Mess): Aggrieved members of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones are seeking a Supreme Court judicial ruling following an ongoing appeal by assorted wiccan veterans for the right to display their traditional belief symbols on gravestones in military cemetaries.

They are protesting that if the wiccan, satanic and creationist factions win the right for their supernatural sigils to mark final resting places then their own superstitious insignia must be allowed parity.

Lawyers acting for the American Diabolical Liberties Union have noted that the inclusion of the proposed pentacle, the bell/book/candle and the pregnant dinosaur which wiccans, satanists and creationists respectively are proposing to decorate the tombstones of their faithful members departed is a fundamental right under amendment prosivions in the American Constitution.

As such, Bonesmen's demands for parity are logical and reasonable, so that the inclusion of their own symbols of the skull, crossbones and asshole should be permitted on all deceased members' gravestones if so requested.

But Pentagon lawyers are pointing out that enough assholes are already buried in official US military cemetaries without the need to draw attention to even more of them by dignifying Bonesmen's superstition symbols with official engravings.

And while the US military has always recognised wicca as an official religion, a large number of satanists and creationists had recently slipped the net causing confusion in national monument sites like Arlington Cemetary where the bell, book and candle sigils could be misunderstood by exorsism fetishists......while the pregnant dinosaur totem of the creationists could possibly mislead archaeological treasure-trove hunters looking for museum-quality prey to steal.

Thus Bonesmen's request for parity would most definitely lead to chaos on all fronts because their universally recognised corporate logo of the skull, crossbones and asshole might then have to be applied to the official graves of many deceased former public servants, such as Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon.

And the very idea of having to first exhume these American national treasures for a new burial ceremony complete with all the regalia trappings that the Bonesmen's cult demands in its funerary rites might be of some concern to relatives unaware of the true superstitious affiliations of their deceased loved ones.

"Besides", said a Pentagon spokesman, "we already got enough assholes in official national cemetaries without having to draw any attention to them that this new Bonesmen's parity ruling might provide."

A judgement is expected late next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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