Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 23 August 2013

image for Woman Survives Floating In The Icy North Atlantic For 37 Days
Candace Buttercastle shown at the Coast Guard office in Rye, New Hampshire just minutes after she arrived.

RYE, New Hampshire - The United States Coast Guard has informed the public that they have rescued a New Hampshire woman identified as Candace Buttercastle, 42, who was found floating in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic for an amazing 37 days.

Coast Guard Captain Hiram Applehead told reporters that Miss Buttercastle was spotted by an unmanned drone as she was bobbing about on the white capped water wearing only a life preserver.

She told the authorities that she had been out on a small boat simply sailing on a nice Sunday when all of a sudden a storm hit and she was tossed out of her boat.

Miss Buttercastle, who has been divorced for three years, said that she was not wearing any clothes due to the fact that they had gotten wet and she had taken them off to dry.

She stated that luckily she did have her life preserver on otherwise no telling where she would have ended up.

The very attractive New Hampshire native was suffering from second degree frostbite but doctors stated that miraculously there was no permanent damage done to her body.

SIDENOTE: One doctor did note that he had never in his life seen such gigantic nipples.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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