Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: New York, Karl Rove

Saturday, 7 October 2006

image for Memo: Foley Sex Scandal Was Designed to Increase GOP Popularity
Schwarzenegger pushing the limits of acceptablility

A newly released memo, written by Karl Rove...published by the New York Times, on Wednesday...suggests that the naughty messages sent by Congressman Foley to teenage Congressional pages, may have been written deliberately to arouse voter interest.

According to the memo, GOP analysts had watched with amazement as Bill Clinton's popularity skyrocketed, following exposure of his tryst with 21-year old Monica Lewinsky.

Public opinion polls showed that Bill Clinton's popularity soared to 72%, following his investigation and impeachment, for lying about his tittilating extra-marital affair.

Noting Clinton's upswing in public polls, GOP strategists worked hard to find a political candidate who's sex life was more exciting and scandalous than Bill Clinton. Following a nationwide search for a someone who was, truly, more decadent than Bill Clinton, the Republicans decided to throw their weight behind the candidacy of Hollywood's Arnold Schwarzenegger, who, while in show business, had developed his own personal trademark of walking up to unsuspecting women, and groping their breasts.

Schwarzenegger had outdone Clinton's sexual excesses, in many other ways, including having a long-term sexual relationship with a 16-year old girl, even while he was married to Maria Schriver.

As predicted, the very same Republicans, who had been fixated on Bill Clinton's love life, seemed to rally behind a Republican candidate, who's sex life, by any honest estimation, was 20 times more exciting than Bill Clinton's.

Immediately prior to the 2003 recall election, 16 women came forward, and accused Schwarzenegger of sexual misconduct. 3 women said Schwarzenegger surprised them, by grabbing their breasts. Another said he reached up under her skirt and grabbed her bottom. One said he tried to remove her bathing suit in an elevator. Another said he pulled her onto his lap, and made sexual suggestions.

Political analysts believe it was the release of these dicey sexual escapades...a few weeks before the 2003 recall election...that escalated Schwarzenegger's popularity to the point that, he easily won the vote for California Governor.

As Schwarzenegger's story of thrilling sexual conquests, faded into the mundane, in the bored public's mind, GOP analysts desperately searched for a new and exciting way to push their party's political image to a new low level of decadence.

In the memo, Karl Rove suggested to Congressman Mark Foley, that he he could draw attention to himself... and away from a War in Iraq, which is not going very well...if he would discreetly release to the media, some of his lurid messages that he had been sending to teenage pages.

The intense media focus which ensued, shows that Rove was correct in assuming that the public has an insatiable fascination with the sex lives of politicians. However, at this point, Rove seems to have misjudged the tone of the public's attention.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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