Washington AC/DC - "Uh, this sort of thing just doesn't go on in the United States," a Pentagon internal affairs spokesperson said this weekend as news of security raids across the Capital broke.
First up a 6am sweep of the Presidential potting shed southeast of the White House Rose Garden found zero signs of human infestation - uh...inhabitation! - despite a well-placed tip-off.
A similar search of residential compounds used routinely for entertaining VIPs by US Joint Chiefs of Stuff found no evidence of squatters or nepotism bundlers suspected by NATO of a vast expenses plot.
In fact all 200 of DC's potential sites where grace 'n' favor scams might survive detection checked out pretty much A-O-K in the weekend-long probe.
The raids were prompted by a coded Squitter network message revealing that a top ranking NATO general 'was sitting pretty in a lavish taxpayer-funded mansion'.
It was enough for the Chief of the US Joint Chiefs of Stuff to issue a statement on the US lunchtime news deploring such blatantly hubristic arrangements as 'an affront to the professionalism and dedication of the entire US military'.
Yeah, right on, Lieutenant General.
Meanwhile, a few thousand miles east across The Pond at the HQ of the US's top allies and NATO partners the Brits something unexpected has been revealed in newly published Ministry of Defence accounts.
Apparently, a five-star UK general, former top NATO commander and former head of the Brits' equivalent of the Joint Chiefs of Stuff has been enjoying himself living in a 50-room six-floor apartment in London's Kensington Palace at a peppercorn rent paid by his bosses at the MoD.
The lavish, artwork-studded gilded accommodation would rent out at approximately half a million squid a week in an open market according to realtors valuing the pad.
General Sir David Richards, 39,400,578th in line to the British Throne, has been slumming it in this royal paradise for no other reason than a massive ego ... and a detailed personal knowledge of government fiasco plus cover-up that lead to the Iraq War WMD 'Dodgy Dossier', the Blair/Bush passport to mass war crimes.
Private Bradley Manning's 6ft x 10ft holding cell will soon be empty, an ideal time to consider the next occupant.