Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 19 August 2013

image for A 53-Year-Old Woman In West Virginia Bench Presses 800 Pounds!
Polly Ester was recently given a rescue dog which she named "Benchy."

VIENNA, West Virginia - The Guinness Book of World Records is reporting that a woman in West Virginia named Polly Ester Calypso has just bench pressed an amazing 800 pounds setting the weight lifting record for women.

Mrs. Calypso, who was divorced by her husband Eubie Calypso back in March, said she has now proved to her no-good ex-husband that she could in fact do it.

She talked to Woody Velcro with The Sports Bet Gazette and stated that all throughout their 29 year marriage Eubie had told her that she could not make cornbread the right way, or sew her dresses correctly, or even make her own chewing gum.

Mrs. Calypso remarked that when she first started lifting weights Eubie warned her that if she did not stop her tits were going to disappear and she would develop a heck of a pronounced bulge in her crotch region.

She said that she laughed at him and told him that he needed to stop watching Jeopardy so much.

Mrs. Calypso, who is 53, works at the Shanghai Sue's Sushi Sandwich Shop in the food court at The Vienna Shopping Center.

She said that she works out at Ohio Valley University where all of the students call her Sweet Mama Callie.

When asked if there is a new man in her life, she smiled and proudly answered that there are actually three young men who want to take her out on a date.

She said she told them she'll let them all know in a few days but stressed the fact that if they try something funny they're history.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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