Both houses of the North Carolina state legislature voted today to secede from the union and at the same time designated the state a Plantation. The bill which passed with large majorities in both houses appointed the current governor Plantation Overseer. A small enclave consisting of the building and grounds of Duke University has been set aside as a separate entity. Duke quickly moved to name basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski interim Pope.
Former Governor Pat McCrory held an early morning news conference and stated, "I'm as happy as a pig in poopy that we can finally return to the good ole days and once again hear those joyous voices in the tobacco fields at night singing their quaint songs of joy and praise of Jesus."
The Associated Press is reporting that thousands of moderate minded citizens are fleeing the state to find a better life. The Syrian Embassy in Washington DC has told the AP it has thousands of requests for visas from US citizens seeking asylum.
According to the Raleigh News & Observer, the state will actually be run by a small group of Evangelical ministers nick-named, The Bubbas. The Reverend T.J. McCorkle, the Big Bubba, spoke to the Raleigh N & O and said that the Bubbas will actually make the major decisions and the state would be ruled by Bubba-rhia Law. "Not to worry about the right to vote," said McCorkle, "ain't goin to be no vote! Our Mammas didn't raise no stupid kids!"
In late breaking news, The Washington Post is reporting this morning that visitors at The Lincoln Memorial in the nation's Capital swear they observed tears running down the cheeks of the statue of Abraham Lincoln.