Written by Geraldo O'Reilly
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Wednesday, 14 August 2013

image for What's In a Name? Plenty, According to Republicans.

Washington, D.C.- A group of Republican politicians led by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, introduced a bill today that would create a national registry of pre-approved names that parents could pick from when naming their newborn children.

"We got the idea from one of those Scandinavian countries, I'm not sure which one, but as soon as I heard about it I knew we needed something like that here in America!" McConnell said.

Citing what they perceive as a growing trend among celebrities to give their children strange names, the law makers claim that due to the influence of the entertainment industry, there is a risk that this trend might spread to the general public.

"Pilot Inspector, Kal-El, Bronx Mowgli, Moxie Crimefighter, Speck Wildhorse...these are just a few examples of the kind of naming tragedies we hope to prevent in the future." exclaimed Senator McConnell.

The impassioned congressman then said "And it will only get worse if we don't do something. You know these Hollywood types, always 'pushing the envelope' and whatnot. Sooner or later, some of them will get it into their heads to start naming their kids after body parts or even sex acts! The next thing you know your child is introducing you to their new classmates Testicle Smith, his sister Ovary and their cousin Fellatio. Heaven help us!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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