Written by Geraldo O'Reilly
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Monday, 12 August 2013

image for Butter Cow Vandal Caught Red Handed
Cow that posed for the butter sculpture.

Des Moines, Iowa- A member of "Iowans for Animal Liberation", the animal activist group that recently vandalized the butter cow sculpture at the Iowa State Fair, has been caught. William Baston is in police custody and is singing like a canary, or more fittingly, squawking like one of the chickens he claims they "liberated" from the Jenkins family farm about a month ago.

In his confession, the suspect stated that the group had originally planned to melt the butter cow sculpture, but couldn't find the temperature controls to the refrigerated display case. He then goes on to say that when it became clear that their attempts to melt the 600 pound sculpture with several cigarette lighters would take too long, they decided to douse it with some red paint they always carry with them just in case they run into someone wearing a fur coat.

Baston concluded his confession by telling the police that the red paint was supposed to symbolize "the blood of 11 billion animals murdered each year", but in retrospect, he thought it looked more like someone had just poured ketchup all over the cow and that certainly wasn't the message they were trying to send.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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