Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Sunday, 11 August 2013

image for Boehner Steps Down as House Majority Leader; Appoints Wife's Toy Poodle in His Stead
Boehner's Toy Poodle, Knuckles

WASHINGTON, D.C.--After tweeting, "Fuck it! My wife's toy poodle could get more done with these guys than I can!", the besieged Speaker of the House stepped down on Friday to allow his wife's toy poodle, Knuckles, to take over as Majority Leader.

Barked a clearly frustrated Boehner to CNN's Wolf Blitzer, "Thanks to the wacko Teapublicans in the House, this House has got to be one of the most dysfunctional group of people since--since--I don't know when, Wolf!

"Instead of passing meaningful legislation to further the interests of the American people and get folks back to work, these guys just want to serve up red meat for the aging hillbillies they represent.

"Well, our dog Knuckles knows what to do with red meat!"

Normally, the position of the Speaker of the House is an elective office within the majority party, but, since Congress is on vacation, and since the Teapublicans in the House couldn't give a rat's ass who is running the show, no one is objecting to the appointment, except for Boehner's wife Debbie, and the Animal Defense League.

Knuckles could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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