WASHINGTON, D.C..--The Republican members of the House of Representatives are pushing a bill to memorialize libertarian hero Ayn Rand with a statue. Ayn Rand, who wrote the thousand plus page screed Atlas Shrugged, is to be depicted in a heroic position, looking like the Übermensch she imagined herself to be, with a wrench in one hand and her right foot on the face of a poor woman reaching for a piece of bread. The inscription, to appear at the bottom of the statue next to the poor woman's head, will read: "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."
Paul Ryan, Ayn Rand minion and Mitt Romney's running mate in 2012, said of Rand: "That woman was truly prescient! Jesus said at one point that the rich will always be with us--or was it the poor? Oh hell, who cares, as long as I get mine. That's what America is all about!"
If the bill passes through both houses, the statue will be located next to the new Martin Luther King memorial statue, one inscription of which reads: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny." When asked about this quote from King's "Letter From Birmingham Jail," Ryan shook his head with disgust and said, "Damn commie!"