Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 7 August 2013

image for Lady Gaga, Eliot Spitzer, Eric Clapton papped emerging dewy-faced from Manhattan bird poop facial salon
Beauticians literally squeeze the little fluffballs until they poop all over the client's face

New York - There's no better endorsement than a celeb A-Lister's flashing smile bringing 5th Avenue traffic to a halt after one of Madam Butterfly's invigorating, $1,000-a-pop bird poop facials.

This afternoon no less than three famous faces were seen after hour-long rejuvenation sessions using the salon's exotic cocktail of imported excrement from lotus blossom-fed Asian nightingales.

Around two thirty Manhattan time Eric Clapton's glowing cherub chops looked particularly snazzy, an absolute tribute to the wondrous properties of the feces' special enzyme, believed to be indigenous to the Fukushima district of Japan.

A little while later Lady Gaga emerged minus the obligatory huge black shades, her taut facial features positively radiant after the avian crap workout.

"Yeah, Lady Gaga's a big fan of our facials," salon intern Sweetpea Waffles tweeted as news of the singer's sighting began trending on the Twatter network.

Finally NYC mayoral hopeful Eliot Spitzer strolled out of the spa's front doors at around a quarter to five looking like 10 years and a dozen ugly lawsuits has suddenly melted into oblivion following one of the salon's creme de la creme treatments [don't ask...].

Meanwhile downtown a spokesperson for Anthony Weiner's own mayoral campaign insisted that having bird shit smeared all over one's features was no big deal.

"Besides," beleaguered Spitzer wifey Huma Abedin commented, "while this bird poop may have some rejuvenating effects it wouldn't necessarily be any different than a decent store-bought bat guano scrub."

The $1,000 exfoliating spa treatment is booked solid until Thanksgiving.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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