Washington DC - (Associated Mess): The Bush Administration is reportedly so alarmed at the dearth of armed pupils in US public schools that it is convening a top level meeting to discuss policy initiatives for self-help schemes designed to combat the massive increase of gun-related violence against pupils who cannot possibly defend themselves on equal terms with their assailants.
The move comes following intensive lobbying from the US National Tasermen's Association which is advocating a Second Amendment initiative for the compulsory issue of electronic stun guns to all state educated students who currently "haven't a hope in hell" in defending themselves during the current violence pandemic that is sweeping the States.
The explosive increase in gun attacks on pupils during the last few weeks has been blamed by the media on children "watching too much violence on television" - especially coverage of the civil war that has erupted in Iraq following the President's heroic 'Mission Accomplished' statement aboard the USS Missouri following his Administration's invasion of the country and the toppling of its Reagan era- installed client dictator Saddam Hussain.
The schools summit will be convened later this week and will consist of representatives from the US arms industry's electronic and digital specialists, federally approved firearms instructors and law enforcement officials with juvenile background experience.
The summit will kick off with an inspiring pep talk from US Defense Secretary Donald Bumsfelt on the country's partiotic duty to implement a 21st century interpretation of the Second Amendment to the American Constitution in the light of the Administration's committment to combat the ongoing War Against Terra.
Next, Education Secretary Margaret Spelling Bee will advise on latest illiteracy drives designed to ensure all dyslexic students will be able to carry out the simplest instructions offered by National Tasermen's Association tutors who will oversee the Bush schools self-defense initiative.
The summit will then culimnate with representatives of the National Parent Teacher Taser Scheme Support Association which has been reported in the media this week as being in receipt of 'substantial offers of help' to finance the pupil self-defense scheme..... from funding sources linked to Bonesmen account holders at the Riggs Bank.
A White House spokesman has said today that President Bush has been deeply saddened and troubled at the shocking inability of American students to defend themselves in their places of learning.
He blamed this extraordinary increase in violent attacks on school students onto illegal enemy combatants who have flamed the flame the War Against Terra with a relentless campaign to target future US army conscripts.....er, reservists.
"But we're gonna give the finger to these ruthless flamers", he said in a televised broadcast.
"Make no mishtake.......this evil has to end sometime soon."