Written by janet eve josselyn
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Monday, 5 August 2013

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hunger strikes at Guantanamo

CUBA - Prisoners at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp are entering day 4 of a hunger strike protesting what they refer to as musical torture in violation of Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions. The prisoners have announced that they will not eat until the guards stop playing songs from the musical Annie after each call to prayer. Initially, the prisoners responded positively with toe tapping and humming but their attitudes changed violently when they received a translation of Hard Knock Life.

"It's a hard-knock life for us! Empty belly life! Rotten smelly life! We don't think those lyrics are funny," prisoner #132 allegedly told a guard at Guantanamo. "But then they switched to that song, Tomorrow. You know . . . the one with the lyrics that say 'the sun'll come out tomorrow. So you got to hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow. You're always a day away.' That's just mean. Tomorrow is never better here."

Prisoner #132 explained that it is a hard-knock life at Guantanamo but the prisoners don't want tomorrow. They want Paradise and the virgins. However, they are also upset over the rumors that the number of virgins in Paradise was grossly exaggerated, as reported in The Spoof on July 25, 2013.

The prisoners have stated that they will call off the hunger strike if the music can be switched from Annie to Annie Get Your Gun. "We can relate better to that musical. Especially that song, I'm a Bad, Bad Man. That's our favorite!" prisoner #132 said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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