Written by G. Brookings
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Monday, 29 July 2013

image for Something Phony Happened on the Way to the Forum
Presidential Apologist, Jay Carney

Following Mr. Obama's declaration that all of the controversies abounding in his second term are clumsy, manufactured, "phony," scandals dreamed up by Republicans, Rush Limbaugh returned the favor and accused the President of being a phony president.

"Obama is the worst president in our history. Time will increasingly reveal what a sham his presidency has been. Everything he says is a lie, an exaggeration or something said for political effect. And nothing he says is to be confused with truth or with effective action. Even his signature legislative achievement - the destruction of America's private health care system - cannot be implemented. He is false, a sham, bogus!" Limbaugh thundered.

"Perhaps that comes of living between two worlds, black and white. Nothing is ever quite what it seems and the need to shift from one identity to the other leaves a man flexible when it comes to his core."

In reply at a hastily convened news conference, Presidential Apologist, Jay Carney, initially laughed off the remarks and also the arm-chair psychoanalysis of the right wing radio talk show host.

"What can you expect from a man with a name that sounds like a smelly cheese?" Carney joked, "These words stink and mean absolutely nothing. Limbaugh is a fat phony and everything he says is phony too. Therefore there is nothing to address in his remarks, except that is to point out their phoniness."

"But, apart from Limbaugh, isn't the White House pushing the truth a bit to say that all of these scandals - the IRS, Benghazi, the NSA, Fast and Furious, etc. - are phony?" a Fox News Reporter asked.

"Give me one piece of evidence for any of these so-called scandals, right now!" Carney demanded, and then continued, not even waiting for the mixed cries of outrage and laughter to subside, "I thought so. This is how you can tell a phony question from a real one," Carney triumphed. "See how this works?" he grinned.

"I resent that statement," the reporter replied, obviously angry. "I take my job seriously and wish you would too."

"Your resentment is phony, too!" Carney retorted, not giving an inch. "It's just theatre. And it would not be stretching credibility much, I think, to say that you work for a phony news organization and therefore nothing that comes from there is really news. I categorically deny everything that Fox News has ever reported or ever will report. Let me say it one more time: Nothing scandalous happened in Benghazi. Where is Benghazi anyway? Turkey? And there was no funny business in the IRS, just some routine low-level shenanigans, the IRS kids having a little fun. We've put them to bed without their supper. And the NSA rubbed out Bin Laden by listening in to a few of his phone calls, and now you guys are howling that we violated his personal privacy. The mass murderer of 9/11? You worry about his privacy?"

"Not true!" several voices shouted from the assembled press corps, wanting to follow up on Carney's last statements. But he would not yield the floor.

"So where's the scandal, Mr. Phony Journalist? Who slept with John's wife and is he still beating her, you ask! You come here day after day asking the same phony questions and reporting made-up phony answers. But you are the genuine phony. The real deal when it comes to phonibusiness. Read my lips!" Carney shouted, red-faced and wiping a little spittle from the corner of his mouth. "All phony scandals!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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