At a joint press conference with his wife this morning, Anthony Weiner took the podium with a defiant and aggressive tone in his voice: "My only sin---I didn't Bogart my Joint!"
As journalists looked at each other in amazement and a few guffawed, he continued, "My only mistake is the mistake of wanting to share, to share with those that are less fortunate than I. Is this a crime, I ask? Is this something to be ashamed of? No, I say! I was taught to stand up for what I believe in and in the spirit of honesty, to always be up front, to always let it all hang out, so to speak. God knows," he paused---"I've tried!"
Weiner's wife, Huma Abed, rose to speak in a tone no less defiant than her husband. "How dare you criticize my husband? Let he who would cast the first stone, as they say," she paused, "and as Jesus said himself, do not hide your light under a bushel," she paused again, "or in Anthony's case, under the New Orleans Super Dome. But that is not the point.
Since Anthony was a child, he has shared, from his first show and tell in the fourth grade to today's internet, Anthony has given his best and regrets to this day the fact that his teacher was fired in disgrace and joined a cloistered convent to today when even I am also criticized for his generosity. He has stood up for me and anyone else who would look, for his entire life."
Mrs. Weiner looked directly at the assembled as she finished, "And who among you male journalists wouldn't trade places with my Anthony? Who among you wouldn't trade places with this man, the only man in the world, the only man in the history of mankind, who could make love to the Holland Tunnel and if it could speak would never say---is it in yet?"