Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Wednesday, 24 July 2013

After years of fighting it, teachers nationwide are now accepting Textlish as a legitimate writing style. Skipping articles like "the" and "an" and spelling phonetically is improper English but it's fine in Textlish. Now high schools and even middle schools are allowing students to use Textlish in their papers. Some teachers even require it.

"I go beyond just accepting it to believing it is a new language," said Gabe Upton, teacher at Brockton Middle School. "As long as people can understand the content, it's communication."

Older generations are filing complaints stating that communications is a two way street and they don't understand Textlish. People over 40 are now forced to learn this new language before these younger generations become their doctors and lawyers.

Upton said, "We believe there are more important subjects to learn than English. Accepting Textlish gives students more time to study 'how to encrypt data against government spying' and, 4 future politicians, 'how to sext without getting caught.'"

Also, by using Textlish, students' work consumes less bandwidth on a teacher's computer or pad allowing them more memory for music, movies, and porn. "It's win-win for everyone," says Mary Tyme, Principal at PS1145 in NYC.

article translated into Textlish:
englsh depts kewl w/ sh*t
text ok
OF pissed
l8r code & sext
pron ?2

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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