Written by Matt Birkenhauer
Print this

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

image for Ted Nugent Threatens to Visit States That Haven't Yet Adopted Stand Your Ground Laws

Waving a bottle of Wild Turkey in one hand, a 9mm Glock pistol in the other, and wearing a T-shirt that reads, "Like Prayer, Gun Control Means Using Both Hands," the asshole-in-chief of the NRA threatened to visit any state that hasn't yet adopted Stand Your Ground (SYG) laws.

Speaking, as usual, in non-sequitese, the former rock-n-roll buffoon proclaimed, "Those states without SYG laws are in direct opposition to the Second Amendment of the Constitution, which guarantees every white American the God-given right to take out any minority who appears to threaten him or her. Oh yeah," he added in what some might have considered an after-thought, "Obama wants to take away all your guns and my wild turkeys! That poor excuse for a POTUS is not even an American citizen, and he ain't worth a shit at skeet shooting, either!"

Those states still without SYG laws--there are, currently, 24 of them--are quickly expected to adopt such laws or, failing that, to pass Keep Out Assholes (KOA) laws, to keep out the likes to Ted Nugent, who is expected to run for president as a Republican in 2016.

Make Matt Birkenhauer's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 3?

3 9 23 24
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more