Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 22 July 2013

image for Baby sibling joy for Justin Bieber as Princess Kate pops sprog
Kate pushing Baby Justin on the shore of Lake Ontario circa 1994

New York - News that his birth mother Kate Middleton is in labor has thrilled the 19 year-old entertainer as he prepares to fly to London to check out what the stork's just brought up - er...delivered!

Bieber's own birth ancestry is shrouded in masses of PR humbug that conceals some very tricky DNA pointing to UK Prime Minister David Cameron being his real birth Pa.

"It's been a triumph of Brit and Canadian ingenuity," celebwatch site LA FagHagSlagMag.con's Lobelia Pettles commented, "with some Oscar-worthy performances from Pattie Mallette reinforcing all that carefully crafted natal mythology."

Kate was just a teenager when a fling with up-and-coming Establishment wannabe David Cameron resulted in pregnancy; marriage, of course, was out of the question for oleaginous social climber Cameron whose brief infatuation with Italian mobster's daughter Kate was an initial disaster.

"Yeah, that's why he married another Italian ho, her half sister Samantha," Pettles explained, "just to keep it all in the family."

Bieber was said to be thrilled when Cameron skillfully passed Kate on to his half-brother Prince William, reckoned by many to be a a total chump and easily schmoozed into the arrangement with loads of 'Heir to the Prince of Wales' garbage talk.

Last year Justin, Kate and David were all reunited again at the London 2012 Olympics closing ceremony where the royal pregnancy caper was hatched.

UK red top hacks fully expect Justin to be smuggled in to see his newborn sibling via a concealed service hatch at the rear of St Mary's Dildo - er...Lindo! - Wing on Tuesday or Wednesday this week.

Samantha Cameron is still 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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