Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 20 July 2013

image for 'Stand Your Ground' not the same as 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Brits told
Many US states allow use of reasonable force

Washington DC - Officials at the British embassy in Washington have issued updated tourist guidelines about US legal jargon amid fears that the average Brit is still clueless and confused in the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting.

A hotline for holidaying UK nationals aims to spell out the meaning of the Stand Your Ground ruling following the Florida case after consular staff were inundated with frantic calls asking if it was 'some sort of homophobic catchphrase' about same sex couples sharing motel rooms.

"One caller even wanted to know if the ruling was somehow connected to Tammy Wynette's 1968 hit Stand By Your Man," an embassy PR spokesperson said, "before asking what the same sex age of consent is in Tampa."

Of course, foreign tourists do not enjoy the same gun law rights as US nationals and have to complete rigorous vetting checks by Department of Homeland Insecurity before they can so much as purchase some buckshot pellets for recreational use.

But that too is outlawed in states such as Idaho and Utah where non-indigenous travelers are restricted to one can of pepper spray and/or one bottle of Elizabeth Taylor's Bloody Diamonds perfume, both of which are deemed fatal at a distance of five yards.

A quarter ounce vile [sic] of the late diva's popular fragrance retails for around fifty squid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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