Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 20 July 2013

image for Laxative Testers: The Last of A Once Proud Profession
The bathroom of a laxative testing plant located in Flagstaff, Arizona

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - According to recent research studies it appears that the once proud profession of laxative testers has gone the way of stagecoach drivers.

The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just released a year-long study which shows that the number of laxative testers in the United States has gone down from 803 in 2003, to just 19 in 2013.

ADGA Spokesperson Naomi Belle McDibbing stated that of the 19 remaining laxative testers 14 are employed in the state of Arizona.

When asked why such a high percentage of LT's (as they are called) are based in Arizona Ms. McDibbing replied that the hot, desert temperatures has a lot to do with it.

On a positive note, she pointed out that the hourly rate of a professional laxative tester has now gone up to $19.75.

But as Aloysius Splitweiser, a recently retired LT stated, "Yeah, I did get paid pretty good for my work but I have to say that it has damn sure changed my bowel movement habits."

Mr. Splitweiser shook his head and said, "Hell, now I have to run to the bathroom about every 45 minutes or so."

He went on to say that his wife of 42 years, Kitty Sue is getting pretty fed up with him knocking her down in his haste to get to the bathroom at least three times a day.

SIDENOTE: Ms. McDibbing said that it has gotten virtually impossible to hire anyone to be a laxative tester. She pointed out that today's job seekers refer to the profession of laxative testing as being a real shi*ty job.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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