President Bush stated in a press conference today that Adolf Hitler, the head of the Nazi party, is still at large, but the US military is "making progress" in pinpointing him.
"He has eluded us for almost 60 years, but he can't hide forever," Bush said, "We're confident that we'll have him in custody within the next several weeks."
Hitler, who would be in his early 100's, escaped Germany during the climax of World War II and hasn't been seen since. The United States is exhaustively searching for him, believing him still to be a threat.
"There is no doubt that if he is allowed to remain free, he will rally more troops to his cause, and the terror will continue," Bush said, "No one will be safe, especially the Jewish people."
Bush warned any country that is giving asylum to Hitler will face swift and explosive consequences.
"Make no mistake, we will use any and all force necessary to flush him out of hiding," Bush said, "Which is why we are launching pre-emptive strikes on Austria as we speak."
When asked if the government should give up its Hitler search and focus on finding Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, and a way to recover the economy, the President managed to say, "Huh?" before he was promptly whisked out of the room by secret service.