Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 17 July 2013

image for Florida Implements An Amazing New Teenage Curfew
Two Florida teens who say they will not be abidding by the governor's new 7 pm curfew.

TALLAHASSEE, Florida - The state of Florida has decided that in order to prevent anymore senseless acts of violence [i.e. The George Zimmerman case] it will be putting into effect a new curfew which will apply to anyone between the ages of 8 and 21.

State spokesperson Derma Susan Smiggle, 29, informed the national media that Governor Rick Scott had decided to issue the mandate as a governor's directive so that it does not have to spend time going through the bill approval process in the Florida Senate.

Senator Claxton F. MalagueƱa, 51, [D-Fort Walton Beach] stated that he is in full agreement with the governor on this very important matter.

He also noted that he agrees that the state go ahead and change Florida's state slogan from The Sunshine State to the more appropriate The Plywood State.

Senator MalagueƱa, however noted that he feels that the fine for someone violating the state curfew is a bit severe.

According to Florida Governor's Directive FGD-17-19C anyone between the ages of 8 and 21, who is caught out on the public streets or public places after 7 pm will be arrested and his or her family will have to pay an $800 fine in order to be released.

Upon a second curfew violation, the individual's parents will be fined $6,725, and the child's cell phone, video games, and any bling-bling will be confiscated and taken to a pawn shop.

SIDENOTE: New York City attorney Dardanelle Cyrus Blewpillski has said that he will go down to Florida and challenge the governor's ruling on behalf of his client Waxler Frumpsted of Key West. Meanwhile Governor Scott has stated that if Mr. Frumpsted is still residing in Florida on July 29, he will be arrested and taken to jail where he will remain for eight days.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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