Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

image for Reclusive owner of world's newest, biggest, fastest superyacht 'lives in Long Island'
The next largest yacht is called 'Tits' and belongs to Prince Jefri

New York - David Geffen, Paul Allen, Larry Ellison, eat yer hearts out; the mystery owner of the world's latest, biggest, fastest, most expensive motor yacht ever built is a notoriously low-profile Big Oil tycoon resident on Long Island.

And he's fooled virtually all the international superyacht-owning brigade into imagining that the new $600 million baby 'Project Azzam' - the Arabic word meaning 'utter determination' - is the plaything of some megabux Saudi nabob or gas-bloated Qatari national.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth as recent sea trials of the 590ft, german-built stunner revealed that the Azzam's new owner is a 100% all-American guy.

And he's about to reveal what the superyacht's new name will be when she sails into Long Island Sound on her US maiden voyage some time this August.

Insiders describe the vessel as a 94,000 horsepower, 68.2ft stonker powered by two gas turbines and two diesel engines; its enormous one million litre gas tank takes 24 hours to fill - mostly from the tycoon's personal crude oil stash.

The yacht, which easily broke the current speed record for a sea-going ship of that size when exceeding 31 knots [35 mph] in choppy North Sea waters last week, will be manned by a 50-strong crew and captained by an ex-United States Navy man on an exceptional package.

Current pay rates for superyacht captains start at around $330 per metre of a boat's length but Azzam's new skipper will easily pull in over $500 per metre making his basic, pre-bonus take home pay around $90,000 per annum.

"Yeah, that's more than double what Roman Abramovich, the Saudis and the UAE sheikhs pay," a QM-NewsCorpse reporter commented.

"Wanna see pics of Brunei Prince Jefri's ocean-going monster 'Tits' going tits-up in the Shatt El-Arab?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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