Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

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Snowden met with a Vodkavich reporter at The Giggling Guacamole Mexican Restaurant in downtown Moscow.

MOSCOW - The notorious NSA Whistleblower, Edward Snowden, recently sat down at a Giggling Guacamole Mexican Restaurant in downtown Moscow and spoke with a reporter with Russia's national news agency Vodkavich.

Snowden who appeared in good spirits considering he is being hunted down by the FBI, the CIA, the IRS, and the infamous IUD spoke freely to Vodkavich reporter Odindamir Ostankinskiy.

Ostankinskiy told Snowden that he had heard that he was a big fan of singers Kellie Pickler and Justin Bieber.

Snowden's eyes lit up and said that he has every CD that both artists have put out. He then remarked that he is a big fan of Bieber's and was thrilled to hear that Russian spy Anna Chapman is also a big Justin fan.

Ostankinskiy asked Snowden if it was true that he had even managed to get some top secret information on the Canadian singer.

He replied that he had. When asked how much, he revealed that he has 7,917 very personal documents on Justin Bieber that could virtually ruin his career if they were ever to see the light of day.

He was asked how many documents he had that pertained to Justin's ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez.

He smiled and replied that he only had two documents and both were concerning beauty tips, moving on after dumping someone, and tattoo removing.

SIDENOTE: Snowden confessed to Ostankinskiy that he hopes to be granted asylum in Venezuela because President Nicolás Maduro has promised that he can live on a luxurious nationally-owned ranch for just $16 a month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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