Written by G. Brookings
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Thursday, 4 July 2013

image for Obama Caught on Open Mike, Again!
Press Secretary Jay Carney at Work

Evoking an eerie sense of déjà vu, the President was once again caught seemingly unaware that he was speaking into an open microphone, apparently concealed beneath his omnipresent teleprompter. "Democrats will be killed in the mid-terms, once businesses start cutting regular staff back to part-time status to avoid having to buy employees health care insurance. But I'll have more flexibility after the election," the President was reported to have said to Nancy Pelosi, explaining why he was postponing his signature legislative achievement, the demolition of private health care in the US. "But Mr. President," Pelosi objected, "won't this threaten to unravel the whole package?"

"Well, you wrote it, girl."

"Mr. President, do I need to remind you that the bill is at least 20,000 pages now and the draft regulations are ten times that. I said at the time we passed it that the only way to know what was in it was to implement it. And that is still my answer."

"Stupid bitch…" the President was heard to mutter under his breath as Pelosi walked away.

At a news conference called hastily to explain the overheard remarks, presidential apologist Jay Carney attempted to explain the frank exchange away by quipping that "politics ain't beanbag." And then, in response to a question by a twenty year old blond Fox News reporter, he attempted to explain the game of beanbag and also how that game actually illustrated the complexities of health care.

"You take a cloth bag and fill it with beans; then throw it at an inclined board containing a number of holes," Carney said, demonstrating the beanbag throwing motion with an invisible beanbag.

"Like tax dollars into Obamacare!" someone shouted out from the mob of laughing reporters.

"C'mon Jay!" another reporter demanded, anxious to move off the subject of beanbag just as Carney was about to launch into a tutorial on the differences between the US and the International rules of the game. "Tell us, has the President apologized to Nancy Pelosi for calling her a stupid bitch?"

"You must have been misinformed," Carney replied confidently, evidently having readied an answer to this question while at the same time boning up on the rules of beanbag. "What the President actually said was "pellucid pitch."

Shouting to be heard over a flood of insults that followed this explanation, Carney went on to say that the phrase was Obama's way of "complementing the Congresswoman on her clear and concise manner of speech. "Everyone knows that Nancy Pelosi is not stupid," he concluded, as he hurried from the briefing room, to a chorus of catcalls. "Ostrich niche! Jay," one wag said to Carney's fleeing backside.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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