(LITTLE ROCK) - Little Rock police say that former President Clinton was arrested yesterday NOT because he single-handedly destroyed a Starbucks but because "after" trashing the place Clinton knowingly and willingly, still ticked the heck off because the Starbucks lady brought him a Deep Vanilla Mocha Latte instead of the grits and ham hocks he ordered left the Starbucks, walked next door to Ed's Pie Shop, bought a steaming hot fresh Lemon Marangue PIE then went BACK to Starbucks where in a rage he, Clinton physically assaulted the Starbucks waitress who had previously just prior failed to bring him his ham hocks and grits as ordered. Witnesses say that Clinton told the lady,
"See young lady? SEE this scalding hot Lemon Marangue PIE your president just bought from next door SEE IT?!"
The next thing CNN knows the Starbuck's waitress, Lisa Verdalles is hospitalized in LIttle Rock General Hospital with 2nd degree burns to the face and upper torso and former president Bill Clinton, still as ticked off even more-so than when he tried to slay Chris Wallace is in the back of a Paddy Wagon headed to the Little Rock Downtown City slammer.
Chris Wallace, now almost brave enough to crawl out from under his FOX News news desk after Clinton tried to rip out Wallace's beating heart on live tv, perhaps afraid that Clinton might come back and finish the job says that we should FORGIVE "Massa Clinton" with "all our hearts" and "all our souls" no matter how many Starbucks Mr Clinton happens to utterly demolish.
Little Rock police, according to uninformed sources say that former president Bill Clinton is now in solitary confinement after threatening to slash his cellmate's throat with an empty Coke can flip top after his roommate failed to whip the president up a fresh batch of ham hocks and grits out of pure thin air.
"I'm the good president not the bad one America you've got me and Osama pegged all wrong you do" Clinton from his cell told Little Rock's Melinda Stouffer of KLRX radio, Clinton also inviting KLRX's Melinda Stouffer into his cell after hours for a little presidential deep Vanilla Mocha Latte, if you know what former President Clinton means. Former presidential aide Monica Lewinski was unavailable for official comment but did, "off the record" by phone inform KLRX radio staff that the former president does like his Vanilla Latte's "with a little creme".