Edward Snowden, the man the United States is undergoing an international man hunt to pursue, stated on Tuesday that the he was just publishing an article for The Spoof via his iPhone 5.
Snowden stated, "I thought, hey...wouldn't it be funny to think the United States, a nation whose concerns involve addressing a $16 trillion debt that China claims ownership of would choose to monitor the activity of measly, unimportant citizens such as myself. I had no idea I was exposing an international surveillance program that would be remembered for its blatant infringement of basic human rights."
Snowden claims that the NSA was just a name he decided to use since it is also the name of the sandwich shop he and his friends opened up a few weeks ago.
"New Sandwich Artists", he said, claiming that he published it online in an effort to arouse curiosity and potentially attract clientele.
"I realized it was no joke when people in bullet-proof NSA vests arrived at my house. They were definitely not fellow employees, as noted by their choice of apparel. Now I spend all day in a country whose President's name is Putin and I'm applying to join an asylum? I'm just glad they didn't find all the illegal drugs in my garage."