SAN FRANCISCO, CA, via WASHINGTON, DC -- The Gay and Lesbian Defamation League of Gentlemen (and Ladies) has announced that, in the wake of the Supreme Court's decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, thus paving the way for a multitude of gay marriages, it will host a course of instruction concerning the gay lifestyle at the University of California and other "liberal institutions across the fruited plain."
Spokesperson Gay Blade announced, during an Obama press conference on Benghazi, "to assist our homosexual brothers and sisters, as more and more men, women, and children come out, admitting that they are queer and seeking to marry others of their ilk, we have designed a course to teach students how to sew and display the rainbow-colored flag that has so proudly represented fags for decades."
"One thing people get wrong," Blade said, "is the order of the colors. It's red on top, violet on the bottom."
Between these respective "dominant and submissive colors" are the other hues, orange, yellow, green, and blue, he added.
"You are authorized to fly the flag," Blade said, "if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, but it is considered a hate crime if you fly it under false pretenses, pretending to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender when, in fact, you are not."
The course also includes a brief history, as a time-filler, of the fabled gay flag. It was designed in 1978 by Gilbert Baker. Originally, it had eight colors, but pink and turquoise were removed because critics contended that these colors were "too gay."
Each of the remaining six colors symbolizes something unique about the gay lifestyle, Blade said, but what, exactly is divulged only to bona fide members of the Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender community, and these meanings are not explained even in the course that the Defamation League offers.
"The secret meanings of the colors is revealed only those who attain the highest rank within our organization. Even I don't know what red stands for."
Although Blade would no say what the colors mean, a pissed-off lesbian informed me that the removed colors pretty much emasculated the whole lesbian comunity.
In addition to information on the "size" of the flag, the course also provides instructions concerning how to display the banner. "It should always be flown above the U. S. flag, any state flag, or the flag of any foreign country, to show that the gay lifestyle is superior to any nationalistic, patriotic, or political interests or values."