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Sunday, 30 June 2013

WASHINGTON, D. C. -- Psychiatrists privately suggest that President Barack Obama may be developing paranoia.

"He seems to believe that everyone is out to get him," Dr. Hy Mann said, off the record. Another shrink.

Dr. Si Ko, agreed with his colleague's assessment. "Not only is the president bonkers, but he's also scared to death of everyone around him. Just as Hillary Clinton thought there was a vast right-wing conspiracy against her husband, former president Bill, Obama also believes there is a vast right-wing conspiracy against him-and a vast left-wing conspiracy-and a vast conspiracy against him on the part of moderates and conservatives."

The president's alleged paranoia, the psychiatrists say, is evident in his belief that everyone inside and outside the Beltway is committed to divulging top secrets about his affairs.

"He believes that leaks from inside his administration are intended to bring disfavor upon him,"

Mann, who asked to remain anonymous, said. "He conceives of his administration as being about as air-tight as a sieve."

"So far, he's charged nine upstanding American citizens, including a former four-star general, with leaking secret information to the press or the American people," Ko observed. Some of these alleged "leakers," the psychiatrist said, naming names, include Edward Snowden, a National Security Agency (NSA) and Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) operative; Bradley Manning, a highly decorated soldier; Fox News reporter Sam Rosen; Fox News producer Mike Levin, and Emmy award-winning Fox News investigative reporter William La Jeunesse; and, now, General James Cartwright (no relation to Ben, Adam, Hoss, or Little Joe, or, for that matter Pawn Star's Corey ["Big Hoss"] Harrison.)

Allegedly, Obama has also ordered Speaker of the House of representatives John Boehner placed under 24-hour-a-day surveillance and has tapped the telephones of all Republican officeholders, past and present. The Infernal Revenue Service also audits anyone on the president's "extensive enemies' list," insiders said.

"Through the NSA, Obama also is spying on every American citizen, dead and alive, recording their 'spirit communications,' electronic voice phenomena, telephone calls, email messages, and Internet use," a third psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Kimble said. "He believes anyone, anywhere, at any time could leak. To him, the whole country is about as dry as a urinal bowl."

The president's trip to Africa is costing American taxpayers $10 million dollars because of all the "extra security" Obama insists upon having in place to watch the first family. The First Lady, he believes, is prone to gossip, and his daughters, like many young girls, keep diaries. Although they have been "warned" not to divulge secrets about the president, Obama is said to distrust them. His paranoia has reached such expansive dimensions that he now fears that they may be the next to leak.

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