New York, New York - (Associated Mess): A new campaign to raise hundreds of millions of dollars has been launched by TheoCon self-mortification enthusiasts of the Opus Dei Foundation in a concerted effort to combat satirical sites that lampoon their growing links with organised crime cartels led by the Bush Family Evil Empire.
Following many years of being the butt of global ridicule for their running of the relapse branch of Perverts Anonymous, the sinister S&M organisation with a history of bankrolling born-again fundamentalist assholes is mounting a rearguard action plan to infiltrate the world of comedy, parody and satire to stamp out its critics before another member of the Bush dynasty launches his/her 2008 White House election campaign.
Desperados in the OD hierarchy met last week at their Lexington Avenue headquarters to launch the master plan which would see the mass crafting of 'alternative' comedy lines to be marketed to the world media, focusing on tried and trusted hardy old chestnuts guaranteed to raise family-friendly smiles and remove any traces of incest stigma long associated with the inbreeding policies of their Founding Fathers.
The move comes as Warren Jeffs, spiritual pimp of the polygamous Utah sect trading in child prostitution, takes the stand in St George, Salt Lake City, and threatens to name in public his plea-bargain accomplices in the Opus Dei organization who provided finance for the erection of his Eldorado-sited temple.
But law enforcement officials who have been monitoring his recent confinement at the Purgatory Correctional Facility at St George are preparing to release their files via the DA's office. These detail Jeff's bankrolling by the OD organization's sponsorship division that suborned US Justice Department officials into erasing the criminal files of the Bush Family.
While there is nothing remotely funny in this grave and disgusting fracas, attempts to pour scorn on the holier-than-thou image of molestation deniers through the parody and lampooing of their facades have met with a wall of money being poured into the comedy markets that regularly point the proverbial dirty finger in the direction of the Bush Administration in the White House.
However, the multi-faceted world of satire remains smiling tonight as crude attempts to vilify early parody hits such as 'The Divine Comedy' and 'Dante's Inferno' remain in the blockbusting top slots that have always equated organised religion with organised crime.
And while a smug-looking Republican cabal remains entrenched in Capitol Hill, safe and secure in the knowledge it has destroyed documentary evidence of its risible claims to the mantle of the moral majority, the growing smile on law enforcement agencies around the world beams ever bigger and brighter.
Someone, somewhere knows even bigger. And better....and brighter......