Written by Hammurab
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Friday, 28 June 2013

Longtime conservative United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is apparently morphing into a living caricature of Gargamel, the perpetually-plotting yet ever-frustrated hedge wizard slash homeless man antagonist from "The Smurfs."

"It's not so much the physical resemblance", said US Supreme Court Clerk and part-time transcriptionist student at the D.C. College of Technical Employment Skills and GEDs (DCCTESGED) Ethyl Koonztenrooster. "He just seems to always be either cackling evilly or just enraged to the point of hypertensive crisis. I think a gay person must've backed over his dog when he was a kid or something and he just blacked it out."

Still, not all observers are convinced. "Antonin Scalia is nothing like Gargamel," stated prominent legal analyst and Supreme Court history expert Dr. James Klaatka of the Institute for Studying Institutes Controlled by People Socialized in the 1950's (ISICPS1950's). "For one thing, Gargamel never really hurts anybody."

In the end, most historians agree that eventually, homosexuals will be recognized as equal in all respects under the law and not second class citizens made to feel different and ashamed, at which point Justice Scalia's head will explode.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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