Written by Hammurab
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Friday, 28 June 2013

Responsible pet owner Brentson Whitman, 32, quietly and carefully fulfilled the social contract to care for the waste deposited by his three year old Jack Russell Terrier "Oscar Wilde" by delicately and silently removing the small coil of doggy-doo from the grass at the park where the corpse of an indigent man that had died from heat exposure lay motionless less than five feet away.

Legal analysts applaud Mr. Whitman's conduct, citing the numerous city ordinances, health codes, park regulations, and just general regard for one's fellow citizens that mandate the swift and sanitary removal of animal waste from public areas. They reporting finding no similar mandate requiring any citizen to render aid to a human-shaped object that is probably just a sleeping alcoholic who doesn't want to work.

Asked about the incident, Mr. Whitman explained, "We all have to do our part, and caring for Oscar includes doing things for him that he can't do for himself. He's just as important as any human being. Maybe more so."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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