Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Thursday, 27 June 2013

image for World Records 2013: Texas Executes Its 500th Prisoner

On Wednesday, June 26, Texas executed death row inmate Kimberly McCarthy, making her the 500th prisoner Texas has executed since 1982, and allowing Texas now to enter the Book of World Records 2013 for the most people executed by a sovereign state in so short a time period, beating out Iraq. Said Governor Rick Perry:

"The only country beating us out so far is Iran, and possibly China, though it doesn't release its statistics to the world records folks."

Governor Perry is excited about this and another record he wants to grab in the Book of World Records: The highest number of illegal abortions in a sovereign state. Perry is calling another special session of the state legislature to try, again, to pass a new restrictive abortion law for Texas. Said Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst, "We're getting the coat hangers ready for this new record, to distribute to all the poor rural counties in Texas. We've contacted the world records people. The Lone Star State lags behind noooobody!"

In a related development, the Texas legislature is also considering replacing the traditional Lone Star on its state flag with a Death Star

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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