A new whistleblower emerged today with details of a secret court investigation and trial of President Barack Obama.
The whistleblower, a court reporter at the secret trial, has been identified as Mr. Edward Hoedown. According to the CIA Mr. Hoedown is currently on the run to Antarctica by private jet supplied by a rogue ice-cubes-for-the-rich manufacturing executive.
Court transcripts indicate the oath was administered by Military Judge Reiterant Metathink, who pointed out the following refinement to court language, based on the Clapper Principle:
"Do you swear to tell the least untruthful truth and nothing but the least untruthful truth so help you God?"
Mr. Obama solemnly intoned, "I do."
Supplied by Mr. Hoedown, transcripts from the trial indicate several charges against Mr. Obama, in terms of "aiding the enemy," as with arming rebels in Syria, the problem being most of these rebels (7 out of 9) are associated with Al Qaeda type jihadi militants.
Lawyers for Mr. Obama's defense insisted that circumstances change according to regional objectives. Al Qaeda types in Syria are currently friends and allies to the United States. But these same types in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, and Somalia are not.
When Judge Metathink indicated the distinction unclear, Mr. Obama's lawyers insisted the difference was "classified" but the Judge pointed out they were defending in a secret court, and should respond.
Mr. Obama's lawyers then explained in depth that, in the Wikileaks and Manning cases, aid to the Al Qaeda types meant they printed out classified information to use on cave walls as winter insulation. But the Syria Al Qaeda types were being decently restrained about just when, how, and what arms support they have been receiving from the CIA.
At the bench Judge Metathink rapped his gavel and pronounced Mr. Obama busted to corporal, down from Supreme Commander. Mr. Obama and defense appeared in turmoil.
Again the Judge rapped for order, then made one final comment:
"Count of aiding the enemy dismissed. Count of broadcasting unsavory opinion with your 'Is this who we are?' question upheld. This Court is now closed!"