WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama says that he was shocked to hear that the televison cooking woman, Paula Deen has been fired by the Food Network for using the dreaded "N" word.
The president said that he has met Miss Paula on several occasions and she sure made it a point to watch her P's and Q's and especially her N's.
President Obama said that he called up Deen and he could hardly understand her for all the sobbing, weeping, and bawling she was doing.
He said that for a moment he thought he was talking to House Speaker John "The Crybaby" Boehner.
The president grinned and added that he was finally able to make out Deen say the words "Sir, I-be-sorry."
And the president told her, "You damn right you be sorry. You be one sorry cracker for using the 'N' word like you was some hip hopping rap artist like The Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle Chumpz or The Wattz Rappin' Boys."
The president then realized that the 66-year-old southern granny had been beat up pretty bad in the press and by a lot of people of color and people of no color as well.
He told Miss Paula that now that she is unemployed, and to keep her from having to get food stamps, he will consider hiring her to be one of the White House cooks.
SIDENOTE: Paula Deen was so grateful she knelt down in front of him, kissed his hand, and promised him that she will never, ever, again use that horrible "N" word, even if she's referring to hateful African-Americans such as Omarosa, Naomi Campbell, or Kanye West.