Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 21 June 2013

image for Obama names Jim Carrey to head FBI
Carrey's new orifice is a splendid suite on the 66th floor

Washington DC - "Fiercely independent and with loads of, uh, intergritty," is how White House aides described the Presidential pick to replace Robert Mueller as FBI chief.

"Of course it means his Kick-Ass 2 role as Colonel Stars and Stripes may have to be cancelled along with the part of Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber To."

Carrey, 51, first impressed the FBI with his sleuthing skills in the 1994 movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective followed some years later in 2000 by a blinding performance in the lead role in How Newt Gingrich Stole Christmas.

Another success in his 2005 Dick Cheney biopick Fun with Dick and Jane focused on Dubya Veep's love affair with La Fonda in a role that won Carrey an Oscar and a Golden Globe.

"All that adds up to some pretty impressive people skills," the President's spokesperson commented today, "not to mention Carrey's successful opposition of George W Bush's warrantless wiretapping program when the Dubya/Cheney stand-up act was caught snooping on the CIA."

Carrey will take up his new post later this year after completion of filming in the Nevada desert.

"I'm looking forward immensely to the new challenge," the actor added, "besides as everyone knows it's a part-time job, maybe less than 10 hours per week.

"Should help me relax and develop my golf game."

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