Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Sunday, 30 June 2013

image for Fast-Food Labeling Law To Begin, Must Include Obituary Of Dead Animal
Who Killed Daisy?? It Was YOU!

New York, NY-- A controversial fast-food labeling law is about to begin on July 1 in New York City. All fast-food burgers will be required to give an obituary of the dead animal being served to their customers. The death notice will include the creatures photo, name, and the reason it was slaughtered.

Mayor Michael Bloomburger invented the law, and says regulation is needed:

"We want people to eat less meat. It's bad for the planet. The new labeling is designed to make people feel guilty about eating meat. I hope it works." said the pint-sized mayor.

A pilot program for the new regulation has already started in the Bronz. Many fast food customers have already been exposed to an 'animal obituary'. An example is given below:

Daisy the cow loved her life. No, she wasn't a brain surgeon or an astronaut or a movie star. She simply liked grazing on grass and gazing at the sky. She loved watching the rain come down and seeing the stars at night. Then you wanted to eat a hamburger--and she died. Don't you feel any shame?? You're the reason she's dead!

Loretta Ebonics is a frequent fast-food customer and was horrified by what she read.

"I'll never eat meat again!" said Ms. Ebonics. "I never knew cows had thoughts and hopes and dreams too--it feels like I just killed someone...I'm so ashamed!" she cried.

Poultry lovers may also feel ashamed. The obituary for dead chickens is enough to make a grown man cry:

Cin-cin the chicken is dead. She was a beautiful bird and so full of life. She liked running around and eating corn and just enjoying life--until you became hungry. Then she was beheaded, skinned and cooked--all because someone like you was hungry. When will you grow up and become a vegetarian??

Some of the more radical vegetarians are planning their own campaign if the fast-food initiative works out. Similar notices like the one below have already been prepared for unsuspecting consumers:

Lois the Lettuce was always very glad to be alive. She loved waving her green leaves at the blue sky and listening to the birds sing. Then you came along with a knife and fork and your evil 'salad dressing' and killed her. How would you like something to do that to you!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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