Written by Spicewood
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Topics: Cars, Driving

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

image for 48 Hurt When Car Jumps Curb, Plows into East Village 7-11 After Accident: FDNY
Jose Miguel Alazobal

A driver lost control of his Nissan Leaf after it was struck by lightning, and ran in to the front of a Seven-Eleven store in East Village. New York firemen were not aware of the extent of the damage until they investigated a basement area and located 40 illegal aliens hovering in the collapsed darkness.

They later located four Seven-Eleven employees who were locked in a front broom closet in the front of the store. When questioned why they were locked in, Jose Miguel Alazobal, one of the four, told NYFD Chief Lester Fogel, "Buenos Dias, geneeral, we wassa jussta sharing our paychecks weeth a meester Shomahan .... heea issa nice and locks ussa up till we a geeve him the mooney hee seeza tu prooteect us, hessa niicca man."

Aahmen Albit Shomahan, store owner, was also injured in the accident. He had been perched on an eight foot chair he often sat in for surveillance purposes. The impact of the Nissan Leaf broke one of the legs on his chair, hurling him in to the hot dog machine rollers resulting in graphically pleasing third degree burns on his backside.

Three employees were injured by falling cans of Juanitas Pozole that they were displaying in a cylindrical shape in the front of the store by a large window.

Shomahan was unsure when they would be able to reopen and also expressed some concern that charges might be forthcoming in regards to the illegal aliens in his basement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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