Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 16 June 2013

image for Long Island megabux residents defy Uncle Sam's snooping tentacles
And all your internet passwords

Long Island, NY - A group of East Hampton billionaires resident in Long Island's most securely guarded enclave has launched its own PRISM-busting communications satellite in the wake of US government snooping on their shopping, and stuff.

Blasted off in immense secrecy from Guiana's Kourou Spaceport on Friday the $250 million gadget provides a highly encrypted wi-fi system for those paying the $5 million annual membership plus $1 million monthly subscription charge.

The service caters to a relatively small geographical domain stretching from the Shinnecock Canal in the west - which cuts across Long Island at South Fork, Hampton Bays all the way to the Great Peconic Bay at North Fork - to Montauk Point State Park at the Island's easternmost tip.

It's also available at around $1,000 per hour from the Amagansett Geeks Wi-Fi Cafe to non-residents who have cleared a highly sophisticated vetting procedure run by ex-Pentagon cryptographers now working in the lucrative US private sector.

Communications specialists analyzing the new service said this weekend that a matrix of 'logic bombs' may be part of a complicated system that diverts PRISM-related data busters run by the fabled ECHELON military computer network from snooping on text communication contents.

Another spoiler bypasses Skype-like VOIP protocols by turning every snooped on conversation into obscure dialect Mandarin chat, mostly focusing on the outrageous prices of Chinese water melons this summer.

Commenting on the telecoms roll-out one long term Lily Pond Lane resident said today there was some evidence that covert Pentagon submersibles trawling Long Island's coastline may be responsible for trying to bring down the new service using cutting edge microwave technology normally reserved for snooping on Pyongyang.

"Yeah, they're trying to bust in on the act," Professor Waldo Zimmerman-Frame chuckled, "guess they just wanna know what dirt we've uncovered on Obama's private stuff, like his grandfather George Bush Senior's DNA at the heart of his makeup."

The current daytime temperature on East Hampton's Main Beach is hovering at around a balmy 79 degrees.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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