WHITEWASHINGton, DC - Arch-feminist and champion of women's lib, Hillary Clinton allegedly operated as a madame during her tenure as Secretary of State, operating a house of ill repute for high-ranking members of the president's cabinet. "It is uncertain whether this latest scandal involves the president himself, as Ms. Clinton's prostitutes were all women, and the president is known for his interest in same-sex sex."
It is likely, however, that former president Bill Clinton availed himself of his wife's services, sources suggest.
"By 'wife's service,'" State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki told reporters, "I don't mean Secretary Clinton's own personal services, but those of the ladies whom she employed. Her husband seems to prefer other women's sexual favors to those of his wife." Monica Lewinsky, Psaki said, "is a good example of the former president's taste for younger women."
"It might be true, also," Psaki admitted, "that Ms. Clinton sampled some of her own wares, as the Secretary is known to like women as much as her wayward husband."
An internal State Department memorandum form the inspector general listed example after example of "misconduct" (that is, felonious) behavior on the part of State Department personnel. Not only did Ms. Clinton operate a whorehouse, but her subordinates took advantage of their position and authority to engage in illegal, often bizarre sexual acts while on duty.
The Secret Service apparently used Ms. Clinton's services during a "diplomatic trip" to Columbia, in a scandal that became known as "The Incident in Cartagena." In addition, a U. S. ambassador "allegedly" trolled for sex in public parks, and a security officer in Beirut, Lebanon, routinely raped "foreign nationals." Rather than looking on during these assaults, Ms. Clinton allegedly "turned a blind eye" to them, asserting, "Boys will be boys."
In response to the investigation that the state Department promises to conduct upon itself, it is doubtful that Ms. Clinton or anyone else will be disciplined for whoremongering.
"When all is said and done," Psaki predicted, "it will be business as usual in the nation's capital."
Caution: The journalist;"> who broke this story, James Rosen, has been named by the Obama administration as a possible 'co-conspirator" against the Espionage Act and may be a dangerous spy disguised as a legitimate investigative journalist; the Department of Injustice is certainly treating him that way.