The Fart Farm alternate energy initiative originally started in North Carolina had gained support in the nation's Capital until late yesterday when it was revealed that a whistle blower within the NSA, referred to now in the agency as a fart blower, had revealed that the Fart Farm program was a part of the attempt to invade the privacy of average Americans.
"How a person farts can tell you a lot about an individual," said the whistle blower. Speaking to a reporter from an undisclosed location in a Motel 6 in Weirton, West Virginia, the informant described the reasons behind the endeavor. "There is the sneaky person who farts in a crowded elevator and then stares at everyone else like they did it. He or she could be an undercover agent for a foreign power. Then there is the boisterous and proud farter at the bar on a Saturday night, no doubt a good American. Then there is the timid farter, one that farts in bed and waves the covers up and down before his significant other comes back into the room. This is a person that could be turned by a clever agent of a hostile nation. Then of course, there's the guy that farts in a crowded room and blames his dog Moose who sits faithfully by his side. This is the kind of person we can use in the agency and a target for recruitment. Yes siree, we will be monitoring the Fart Meters on every single American in the country, man, woman and child. Every fart will be counted and no good deed will go un-punished."
Prior to today's revelation the initiative had been gaining momentum in the nation's Capitol as Senators Graham and McCain introduced legislation in the US Senate. Politico reports they combined in a two part harmony duo and sang the song, "Wind beneath my wings" as an introduction to their effort. Senator Graham remarked afterwards, "I carried the tune really, John mostly just fudged his part!"
In related news, the Raleigh News & Observer reports that Governor Pat McCrory is attempting to include a provision in the state legislation that would tax lower income citizens for farts as reported on their fart meters. The income would go towards reimbursing the power companies for any income losses due to Fart Power and also to build a new putting green at the Charlotte Golf & Country Club. The governor is vehemently denying the rumor.