Spoilsport ex-spy Edward Snowden is in hiding in Hong Kong after revealing to the world one of America's closest-guarded secrets, namely that President Barack Obama isn't black.
Snowden, using some Evil Genius software, commandeered every television station last night and, in a pre-recorded broadcast, informed the world that the Commander in Chief of the US Army was not black but actually white, and had been made up to look black using clever wardrobe techniques. He also added that he wanted 5 billion dollars.
Apparently, Obama is an Irish ex-pat called Barry O'bama, who couldn't get into politics the normal way (being Irish) so he joined a reverse discrimination fast track program by painting his face and learning the lyrics to Swing Low Secret Chariot. He also picked up a fifty thousand dollar bursary available only to black students.
When the CIA discovered that he wasn't white, they agreed not to shoot him as long as he sent killer drones into Pakistan, which he reluctantly agreed to do.
Snowden is now Number One on America's Most Wanted Hit Last and it has been rumoured that his next revelation might be that Hilary Clinton is a man or that the GOP Majority Leader Eric Cantor is a chimpanzee.