Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 2 June 2013

image for Catherine Zeta-Jones tightlipped as husband Michael Douglas opens up about 'walnut-sized' oral sex tumor
'A bug you get from cunnilingus with women'

New York - "It's what guys of 69 channel when bi-polar wives are safely tucked up inside rehab," was one explanation this weekend as the Michael Douglas oral sex cancer story broke.

The actor was quoted in a UK broadsheet describing how a walnut-sized tumor on his tongue had been caused by the human papilloma virus [HPV} - a bug you get from cunnilingus with women.

Tonight the interview's gone viral on the web as legions of angry women speak up for Michael's poor, beleaguered wife saying no wonder's she's had that queasy 'too much information, dahlink!' look about her ever since the story broke.

On the bloggosphere loads have come out to vent their spleen via Farcebook pages describing their own tasteless theories.

One ranter even went so far as claiming her own vaginal cancer 'must have been caused by a bit of toxic kebab' - a reference to the male penchant of munching after sixteen pints of lager and the ubiquitous char-grilled take-away.

Not that there's a shred of evidence that the Brits' fave late night snack is in anyway connected with women's abdominal problems.

This evening the Douglas Family PR insisted Michael's words have been taken out of context and there's absolutely no STDs in his happy, long-lasting marriage.

A quarter pound lamb shish-kebab retails at around $7.

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