The White House announced early this evening that President George W. Bush today deployed troops to the United Nations. Citing unrest and the harboring of WMD's (Weapons of Mass Delusion), President Bush brought down the full fury of the United States Military on the multinational organization.
Denying charges leveled by such world leaders as Chavez and Ahmadinejad, Bush denied being a "devil" or a "henchmen of a bigger devil" or an "ignorant minion of a much smarter and determined Satan like figure who resides in a White House type structure somewhere in Virginia or the greater Washington area".
"I am not a devil," Bush declared in a press conference held in the Rose Garden. "I am not a part of the axis of evil. I created the axis of evil and am, therefore, a creator and not a member," Bush continued in petulant tones.
The harsh criticism of the Bush administration has been rising since it was revealed that there had been efforts within the administration to modify aspects of the Geneva Convention. However, defended Condi Rice in a written statement, the Bush administration has never abided by the Geneva convention in their dealings with terrorists, suspected terrorists, or people who make a lot of long distance calls. It is not, therefore, a modification as much as it is codifying into law ongoing actions of the present administration.
Speaking from the Oval Office, President Bush contended that tying one to a board and simulating a drowning experience is a common evidence gathering activity in many countries and throughout the deep South in America. As to allegations of secret CIA prisons, President Bush replied simply that he was not privy to secrets within the administration and that the CIA operated on a "need to know" only basis.
"If they are flying prisoners to remote locations to be brutalized and tortured," Bush concluded, " I wouldn't necessarily know what those folks are up to unless the intelligence they gather leads to a press conference."
"If the intelligence the CIA gathers leads to a nationwide press conference, my speech writers would receive the information first so they could put it into simple sentences and my cue card people would receive the information next so they could put it in really big letters (phonically, of course). At that point, as I read the cue cards, I am on the same page as the nation."
In concluding his speech, Bush contended that the military takeover of the multinational organization would be good for the spread of democracy and free speech in nations that are "less freer" than America.
While United Nations officials could not be reached for comment and many delegations have disappeared altogether, President Bush reassured the nation that it was "Mission Accomplished!" and that residents of New York can sleep easy tonight now that the real true devils have been detained and shipped to any nation without a constitution