Written by Aspartame Boy
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Wednesday, 22 May 2013

image for Police now training: Glasses can be guns
The new targets include this one featuring suspicious glasses

Chicago - Police spokesperson S. Wineburger of the Chicago Police Department announced today that anyone pointing glasses at police conducting official business may be shot.

It was previously reported here that police are now trained to shoot anyone pointing a cell phone at them, since cell phone cameras can also be guns, or contain guns.

According to S. Wineburger, Chicago Police reasoned that since glasses can also be Google Goggles, and Google Goggles can be used to film police, that someday glasses may also contain guns, especially since everyone is printing guns at home now.

What is to stop criminals from printing guns that look like glasses?

The new targets being used on the range, according to S. Wineburger, feature children wearing thick glasses pointed directly at the shooter.

"At first it was difficult firing at these targets, but now our officers do it without thinking It helps if they have an aspartame laden beverage to dull their emotional reactions." S. Wineburger is quoted as saying.

UPDATE - Police now using kids carrying bags of Skittles for targets

Chief Otshothay of the Orlando police revealed today at a press conference that police are now training to fire on targets of children carrying bags of Skittles.

"That stuff can rot your teeth and ruin lives. It's so sad! We can't have Skittles pushers running down our neighbor hoods. What would Mikey Mouse say?", summed up the Chief.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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