In view of the recent scandals and persistent questions from the press and Republicans demanding that the White House explain variations in its responses on a host of so-called scandals - from Benghazi to the wiretapping of Associated Press reporters -- the administration will establish the new Department of Truth and charge it with leading the effort of reconciling what appear to some to be culpable discrepancies, if not outright lies, coming from sources in the White House, the Justice Department, the State Department and the IRS.
The motto of the new department - What Difference Does it Make? - is taken directly from the verbal left hook Hillary Clinton delivered to congressional republicans during her testimony in the Benghazi hearings and reflects the President's measured contempt and frustration with an annoying opposition and a too-willing, sensation-seeking press corps that gives plausibility to conspiratorial interpretations of what are tiny, insignificant differences.
The new department's first job will be to explain how apparently conflicting facts and data are actually not in conflict, if one understands the background and circumstances. That will be the work of the Fact Determination and Clarification Division within the new Department.
There will also be a division that instructs administration spokesmen, like Jay Carney, on how to deliver substantive-seeming answers while saying nothing that can be fact checked or challenged.
Carney in particular, sources say, has been asked to follow his boss' lead and to give longer, more general and more circuitous answers to questions from the press, thus avoiding adding to the list of facts and assertions that need to be explained.
The new department, insiders say, will also have a subordinate division of ongoing investigations to track all the mainly trumped-up scandals and ensure that those not authorized to speak or publish, whether in the administration or in the press, are properly warned, chilled, investigated, wiretapped or prosecuted under the Espionage Act, if they refuse to acknowledge facts published by the new Department of Truth and persist in asking questions when a question has already been satisfactorily answered.
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reed have publically applauded the new organizational measures and pledged their support.
"The White House has been far too passive and chaotic in its response to partisan attacks," Reed said. "And the Benghazi talking points and other so-called scandals are complete non-issues," Pelosi added with her persistent smile.
"So this new approach will be a vast improvement on what has been happening to date. I just hope they do a better job explaining all these small differences than Bill Clinton did when he said 'It depends on what the meaning of is is.'"
This article has been cleared by the new department's transition team staff, many of whom have been reassigned from similar jobs dealing with "stylistic" matters in the Justice Department and the Department of State. We thank them for their efforts.