WASHINGTON, DC - On the afternoon of September 11, 2012, the White House began pre-party warmups, unaware of an impending attack in Benghazi, Libya. Young staffers, election strategists, and political aides walked through the halls, pointing at each other and yelling "Vegas, Baby!" The president had both feet propped up on the Oval Office desk when a man wearing dark glasses and a black suit announced "Mr President, it's time for The Briefing."
Naturally, "The Briefing" is Secret Society code for "Brain Removal." Sometimes the President's brain is replaced with an alien computer device, and sometimes it's replaced with the brain of a celebrity who allegedly died of a drug overdose. On other occasions, Chicken Cacciatore over pasta is placed in the brain cavity while members of the Illuminati and the Tri-Lateral Commission take pictures of themselves with "The Most Powerful Man in the World." Unfortunately, mistakes can be made.
Vlorgnazk (space alien): So Carl (the new guy) says he wants his picture taken while he pulls out the brain, and we take the picture. THEN ... he wants another picture, and another ... and the next thing everybody hears is "SPLOOP" as Obama's brain hits the Situation Room table and bounces into a leather chair.
X (Conspiracy Theory Expert): While some people wonder about what happened to Bo [the White House dog], many of us saw half of the animal's brain being grafted into the POTUS head. You might not think it would make a lot of difference, but this President Barry Obama hardly knows half what the 2009 President knew.
With the 2012 Election nearing the critical final stretch, rumors about "unfit mental condition" forced the White House Press Secretary to defend the incumbent President. It was important to clarify to the voting public how national security was improved by the President attending wild campaign fund-raising parties in Las Vegas, a few hours after a US Ambassador and three other Americans were murdered as their Mideast diplomatic mission burned to the ground.
Jay Carney: I want to definitively state - the President is in excellent mental condition. His memory may be the best in Washington. He recalls facts about the bin Laden raid easily, and I should add that it was the greatest and most important military operation ever.... Since the bin Laden raid, the President has proven his knowledge of SEAL Team 6 again and again. Who they are, where they are stationed, operational limits of their aircraft, Top Secret communication channels, and more. Obama has improved friendships with countries like Russia and Afghanistan with his entertaining stories of what Navy SEALs are doing "right now."
Some Republicans are not buying into the story on Obama's "incredible memory" as qualification for the Oval Office. When over a dozen Navy SEALs died in August 2011 as they attempted to land near an Afghan village, questions were raised as to why the Taliban "knew the SEALs were coming." One congressman challenged claims on Obama's IQ, asking why Obama does not know the meanings of "SECRET" and "Covert."
Historians familiar with US Presidents and alien brain transplant procedures generally agree that in the last five years there have been more presidential brain transplants, mind control device implants, and injections of mind-altering chemicals than all similar operations performed in the previous 60 years. Many wonder - "Will Obama still be the same smiling, charismatic celebrity after 30 more brain alterations, or will he just drool on himself and have to be replaced with a robot clone?"
Today, Congress is frustrated by a lack of answers as it investigates why President Obama "knows nothing" about the Benghazi 9-11 Attack, IRS violations of the Constitution and Federal Law (including seizing 10 million medical records without warrant), and the Dept of Justice ignoring Constitutional prohibitions on searches and surveillance against journalists and private individuals.
Where was Obama during the seven hours when an American Consulate was burning in Benghazi?
The simple answer: His brain was in a jar.