The Raleigh News & Observer clamed in a front page editorial this morning that Senator T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg had "fudged the data" in claiming that his proposed Fart Farms could solve the state's energy problems. "This is not the first time McCorkle has fudged himself," says the article, "McCorkle has a history of fudging himself going back decades. It is not, nor has it ever been, a pretty picture!"
McCorkle replied to the accusation angrily in an interview with WRAL News at Noon: "The Raleigh News & Observer is nothing more than a bunch of New York City sissy transplants sent here to make fun of our way of life," he shouted. "They wouldn't know a smart feller from a fart smeller. I been on a few crowded elevators with some of them and believe me I know what I'm talking about."
WRAL news anchor: "But Senator, the Raleigh N & O is pretty powerful and influential and they say you fudged the data?
McCorkle: "So who hasn't fudged a little in their life? You don't think that Pasteur had some fudge in his formulas or some poo-poo in his petri dish!?" McCorkle paused, "and one more thing, they don't want to mess with McCorkle. Just like the atom and fusion, it can be used for good or for evil. If they think Star Wars is a big deal, they ain't seen nothin yet!
"We shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
and we shall fight in the hills! Fart Wars will rule!"
WRAL anchor: "So, you are really planning to proceed with this program and hope to expand it to the entire country?"
"Absolutely," stated McCorkle, "the federal government is behind us in every sense of the word and the TSA is already authorized to inspect every Fart Meter on every man, woman and child in America," he paused and smiled triumphantly, "in a new law of the land---No Fart Left in Your Behind!"